Unpacking the Baggage

I found a picture that sparked the topic of this blog post. I will write a disclaimer: I do not think the man or woman you love should have to deal with all your baggage. Deal with your baggage FIRST, and then move on to a relationship.

Everyone has a history, everyone has a past – unless you only dated the guy you married.

I won’t even go there.

That history, gives us baggage. Women especially seem to carry a lot of baggage with them. However, men can have baggage too. I have realized that we, as women, have the power to cut, and cutdeep. It is these things that seem to cause problems in relationships. I had A LOT of baggage that I needed to deal with and over the past year I think I’ve done that. It has become especially apparent how much I’ve changed when I consider my relationship with Mr. Java.

I think the most baggage I had to deal with came from childhood, and my relationship with B1 (Boy 1). In all reality, he was just a boy, and I was a girl. A young, immature girl. Growing up, I learned to hide my emotions. My Nanna would frequently be in the hospital, Mamma Maxwell would be away with her, and I’d have to keep my little brother and sister. I had to be the adult. That meant no breakdowns, no crying, nothing. When B1 and I first started talking, it was after we met at a college visit our Senior year of high school. We were fresh into college, and though we had some good times, we had a lot of problems. We never talked about any of our problems. I’d keep it bottled inside, and so would he, until it’d blow up.

One of the things that would frustrate me so much in our relationship, is that he never seemed to consider how things made me feel. For instance, the entire first 6 months of our relationship, he still texted his ex on a daily basis. He also wouldn’t text me and let me know that he landed safely from his flight block (and I’m talking like 2 or 3 hours later and still hearing nothing). I would get so hurt, and then mad, because he was inconsiderate of me worrying about him. Granted, it wasn’t fair that I kept all my emotions bottled up inside, but even when we did talk, it did not go well. But flying planes is a BIG DEAL. 

In Mr. Java’s and my relationship, he doesn’t fly planes, but we have such good communication. Maybe it has something to do with being friends so long before we started dating. Maybe its because we learned from our past mistakes, and got rid of baggage. Maybe we just communicate well with each other. He has helped me through so much, but one thing I appreciate is that we both freely talk about things that happened with our exes. A topic will come up, we’ll discuss it, and then move on and appreciate what we have together. No jealousy, no anger for the past or for each other, just simply taking it with a grain of salt, understanding, and moving on.