I Knew You Weren't Mature Enough

“I knew you weren’t mature enough to handle this lifestyle.”

That is what my “friend” said to me when I told him we were no longer going to continue our friends with benefits deal we had going on.  I was over that scene, had been for a while, and I had discovered what had been right under my nose all along – Mr. Java.

I have had 5 boys in my life romantically that have changed me in some way, shape, or form.

The first, was the summer before senior year of high school. He wrote me a Dear John letter that October.

The second, was spring of my senior year. He ditched me at my one and only school dance I was allowed to attend. My senior prom.

The third, I met at that same time, but didn’t start dating until Freshman year of college. He dumped me four times, twice in one week. Then asked me why I didn’t fight for him.

The fourth, was Spring of Junior year. We had major issues. He didn’t call me for a month during that summer. It ended on a rather bad note, through text no less.

The fifth, was the friends with benefits guy. Great intellectual conversations, no emotional attachment other than friends (at least on my part),  physical attraction was there. It just wasn’t right.

You know that empty feeling you get when you’ve got everything you wished for, but there’s still something missing? That’s what my life had been like for the last year. In November of 2011, my life changed. I was single for the first time in  2 years. I tried the party scene — the dancing was fun — but everything else just seemed empty. Fake.

You know, some websites, and people will say “friends with benefits works because you have the physical aspect satisfied, so you can fall in love with the right person for the right reasons.” I will say this – yea that makes sense. But what happens when you fall for someone, and you have to explain that you’ve been sleeping with someone else the entire time? Or, how do you end it with the person you’ve been having those benefits with?

In theory, it sounds great. But what about respect for yourself? Or respect for the person that you will one day, if you so choose that lifestyle, marry? Friends with benefits may sound like an awesome plan, but almost never goes successfully.